It’s my birthday this week, and this one weighs heavy on me.
About two months ago, as if on cue, my biological clock
started to tick, then tock, then pound in my ears daily. I feel the pressure to
have more children before I turn 40, and I know I only have five short years to
do it.
It’s all I can think about lately — babies, babies and more
babies.
It’s not that I don’t feel fulfilled. I see my son cuddling
with his dad on the couch with a book and life feels more complete than ever.
And it’s great to have a two-parents-to-one-child ratio, but my heart yearns
for more.
I was an only child and one of the most important things I
want for my family is that my children have siblings to share in life’s ups and
downs. My mother was one of three children, and her sister became my guardian
after my mother’s death.
Sometimes I think about what would have happened to me if my
mother had been an only child. It more than likely would have meant that my
grandmother would have taken me in when she was 67 years old.
I look to my aunt and uncle and admire them for the strong
people they are. The family — my uncle’s wife and children included — still
regularly has Sunday morning breakfast in Detroit. They do things all the time
as a family — bowling, boating, vacations — they stay close.
That’s what I want for my children.
As I delicately negotiate the planning of our second child,
my husband seems frustratingly aloof. We agree that we would like more than
one, but things seem so great now, he is almost fearful that upsetting this
balance would be disastrous.
“We got so lucky with him,” my husband says of our son.
“There’s no way we will get as lucky with the next one.”
He’s right. Our baby started sleeping through the night at 2
months old. He rolled over at 5 months, sat up at 6 months, crawled at 7 months
and walked by 10 months. He has the sunniest disposition as long as he is well
fed and takes his regular naps. It’s ridiculous how easy this kid is, and
there’s no way lightning will strike twice.
Alas, the clock will win out. It demands that I serve my
biological purpose, and my heart want to fulfill a secret promise I made to
myself a long time ago to have more than one child.
Now how do you suppose I’ll be able to sneak that third one
in before the clock strikes midnight on my 40th birthday?
— Sarah Leach is content editor at The Holland Sentinel.
Contact her at (616) 546-4278.
As one of five children, I say, yay go you. I love all of my siblings and would never wish for anything less. Siblings are your friends for life, for better or for worse. Hopefully you are blessed with at least one more little one. :)
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