Family ties strengthen at holiday time

My husband and I made the trek across the state this weekend to visit my family in the suburbs of Detroit.

And, despite the relaxed pace of the four days we spent there, we were bustling with activity — and I don’t mean just mashing the potatoes.

There was the visit to my grandmother’s place to show the baby off to her friends at the assisted-living center. There was the visit with my aunt’s best friends, who only get to see the baby every six months or so. And then there was the effort to maximize the time with the aunts, uncle and cousins.

I tell ya, for being an only child with six relatives, there are a lot of people to see.

It was during this time that I realized that I have an obligation to these people that I love. I have this 19-pound treasure that toddles all over my living room, but quick snaps on the cellphone or 20-second video clips uploaded to Facebook don’t foster a relationship.

What my loved ones really need is time — time to make an impression with my son, time to learn his expressions and mannerisms and time to make lasting memories.

It is part of my responsibility as his mother to foster these relationships, so he grows up knowing what a wonderful family he has.

I want him to know that Thanksgiving always is at my aunt’s house — and that she always insists that she forgot some part of the meal, even as people praise her for a delicious feast.

I want him to see my grandmother’s look of sheer joy as she relishes the gift of having lived long enough to meet my child and to share in his first milestones.

I want him to feel my other aunt’s kisses on his head and know that the love she shows for him reminds me of when I was a girl and watched her dote on her own young tots.

I want him to remember all the times my young cousin asks about how Baby Ben is doing, and what he’s up to day to day.

I want him to understand the depth of love that constantly emanates from my family, and that he is a big reason why many people on the east side of the state are giving thanks this year.

— Sarah Leach is assistant managing editor at The Holland Sentinel. Contact her at (616) 546-4278 or sarah.leach@hollandsentinel.com.

This week, I am giving my thanks

It happened without warning. 

I was having a conversation with my husband in our living room, which seemed important at the time, but now I couldn’t even tell you what it was about. I was worked up — a trademark of mine — hands flying for dramatic effect, when suddenly, something amazing happened.

Our son, who only days earlier had turned 10 months old, let go of the baby gate he was holding onto, toddled down the 10-foot hallway, plopped onto his rear and began playing with my shoes.

My husband and I were speechless.

“Did that just happen,” I asked, incredulously.

“Yeah!” he shouted. “Go Peanut!”

The baby, having no idea what all the fuss was about, seemed slightly confused, but not enough to interrupt his chewing one of my shoelaces.

“We need to record this,” I said. “Let’s see if he will do it again.”

But then we discovered a technical problem. My cellphone was full of video and would not allow me to record any more footage — all of the baby, I might add.

So I found the camcorder, but the battery was dead.

“Argh!” I cried.

“Not to worry,” my husband said. “I’ll record it on my phone.”

But every time the baby got moving, it took too long to activate his phone and get the recorder rolling.

Then, an idea hit.

Ten minutes later, my baby was toddling toward his momma in full view of the camera phone — as I held a bottle of milk as incentive. He crossed the kitchen, swiveled around and went back to the starting point.

It is the most incredible thing to watch him walk, as if he has been doing it forever. Only we parents can appreciate all the effort our children put into developing the strength and coordination into achieving this feat.

Yes, this is an amazing milestone for every infant but, for the mother, this is nothing short of a miracle. It is beautiful and joyous and amazing and incredible and all the other superlatives that I can’t list fully.

We slave to give our children the best possible life — the clothes, the food, the toys, the activities — and when moments like this come along, it is a massive sense of validation that our baby is thriving.

This Thanksgiving, I’m thankful for everyone and everything that I have and I’m sure that’s the ecstatic mom in my talking.

— Sarah Leach is assistant managing editor at The Holland Sentinel. Contact her at (616) 546-4278 or sarah.leach@hollandsentinel.com.

Another loss only makes me appreciate the love more

Our family suffered another lost last week when our cat, Scamp, suddenly was diagnosed with a rapid form of cancer and we had to “let him go.”

It was the second pet death in our family in a month after our elderly dog died in early October — also from cancer.

The hole in my heart cannot be overstated, because these were my four-legged children who gave unconditional love to us for so little in return — but I am known for my soft-heartedness for critters.

It is difficult and painful to move past, but I must and I shall. It is frustrating because I want to properly feel sorry for myself for a week or two, but I have a 10-month-old and it isn’t about me anymore. But when I feel a twinge of sadness because I can’t mourn my pets properly, I realize what a blessing the whirlwind of motherhood can be.

I have a great reason to be distracted from my sadness and I’m laughing and playing with the cutest baby this side of the Mississippi. As he tries to hug our surviving German shepherd and crawls after the two surviving cats down the hall, I am thankful I can teach him how to embrace our furry friends.

It is my firm belief that exposing children to the joys of animals helps them learn the invaluable skills of empathy, sharing, consideration, gentleness, friendship, and — most importantly — love.

It is with those sentiments that I find myself thankful that our elderly and sick pets have passed away before the baby understands that they’re gone. It’s a concept I know I will have to explain one day, but not yet.

Hopefully, we will not experience another loss for a very long time, and the baby can forge lasting friendships with the three remaining pets. And as I sit on the floor watching my little one attempt to throw a ball for the dog, my heart melts. He squeals with delight when the dog brings the toy back and drops it at his pajama feet.

It’s exactly what I wanted for him.

— Sarah Leach is assistant managing editor at The Holland Sentinel. Contact her at (616) 546-4278 or at sarah.leach@hollandsentinel.com.

Sweet denial makes for beautiful memories

“Look!” my husband said.

“What?!” I screamed back. By the sound of his voice, I thought my baby had a lobster crawl out of his ear.

“He took a step,” my husband said.

“That's nice,” I said.

Incredulous, my husband, “it's like he started walking.”

“No he didn't,” I sniffed. “Walking is putting one foot in front of the other more than once.”

Now, it's not that I'm dismissing my baby's accomplishments. I just prefer to not recognize these milestones if I don't see them directly. My denial capabilities are epic — I have been pretending that the election season has been over for weeks and it has worked quite nicely.

The thing of it is, I just can't bear to accept the fact that my little boy is growing up, and that he will be having first moments with people other than me. It stirs up the guilt of not being with him at home, like I wish I could be.

So I have turned to situational denial to assuage my fears.

“I know he hasn't started walking, but he's sooo close,” my husband said.

At 10 months, my son is standing — albeit wobbly — and will take a step to bridge between two objects. He has one tooth in his head and, by the looks of it, I better start saving up for orthodontics starting with next week's paycheck.

But the milestones are coming fast and furious now. He is on the cusp of being fully mobile, eating everything we eat and speaking his first word. It's exhilarating to watch, but it is all happening too fast and I wish I could slow time down just a bit to savor each moment with him.

It feels like I'm going to come home from work tomorrow and he's going to ask to borrow the car to take his girlfriend to the movies.

The best I can do is pretend that his “first moments” when I'm with him are the real ones, so I can remember his childhood guilt-free. Or I can just keep having babies to keep reliving and relishing their infancy. … Yeah, denial is way easier.

— Sarah Leach is assistant managing editor of The Holland Sentinel. Contact her at (616) 546-4278 or sarah.leach@hollandsentinel.com.