A mother’s guilt is never done

Becoming a mother was the best thing that ever happened to me. It changed my life in thousands of untold ways.

I have learned what true love really is. I have learned patience beyond imagination. And I can appreciate a belly laugh to its fullest extent.

But along with these treasures, there are complexities beyond measure. As I juggle a career and motherhood, I have discovered fun terms like “work-life balance,” “family time” and “mother’s guilt.”

It wasn’t a concept unfamiliar to me. My mother was divorced and a registered nurse, meaning she often had an unpredictable work schedule. My aunt was a career-track woman who often had to travel for her job. So it would be fair to say that when I graduated from college, I was ready to make certain sacrifices to be professionally successful.

When “the hubby” came into the picture, sure it was an adjustment to work together toward common goals while supporting one another in our personal aspirations. But having a baby was a game changer.

Now I constantly grapple questions like, “Do I spend enough time with him?” “Do we do enough together as a family?” “Am I setting a good example?”

Part of the mother’s guilt role is that these questions will constantly haunt me until I’m reasonably sure my son is not a serial killer and that he is on the college track. But there has to be some way to assuage my constant worries in meantime for the next 16 years.

Recently, I attended a professional forum that included three other women. One of the women was not working regularly because she wanted to spend time with her new baby. Another had just quit her job — where she had won several national awards — in order to spend time with her children. The last woman there had children and worked from home. Let’s just say I felt a bit out of place.

I would never begrudge a woman staying home with her children — heck, if I could afford it, I would highly consider it. There’s something innate within me, however, that drives me to stay in the professional world. The fact is, I really like working. Sure motherhood gives me a sense of purpose, but women also are needed in workplaces of all types. We are workhorses, we are peacemakers and, above all, we are communicators.

All that fancy talk doesn’t make me feel much better, though. Every day I wonder if I’m setting an example of a strong working woman or an exasperated mommy. Thankfully, he still can’t form coherent sentences, so the jury still is out.

— Sarah Leach is editor of The Holland Sentinel. Contact her at (616) 546-4278 or sarah.leach@hollandsentinel.com.