It isn't every year I get to do what I want for Christmas. …
Actually, I can't remember the last time I had the luxury of relaxing on
Christmas.
Last year, I was on the verge of giving birth and was weary of pregnancy. The three Christmases before that, I had to work and, before that? Who knows? I can barely remember the sentence I wrote before this now that I have a child.
After my mother died 20 years ago, Christmas became a difficult time for my family. We struggled with the guilt of celebrating the season when there was someone so dearly loved missing.
We took family vacations to get our minds off the holidays and all that annoying Christmas cheer. We went to Mexico, Puerto Rico, and Antigua. It was a wonderful distraction, but each of us was well aware that we would rather be home with the entire family together again.
As I grew older, I often volunteered to work the holiday, so I was able to focus on something else on a very difficult day.
Then my beautiful baby was born and something changed. Suddenly the magic was back in Christmas. I find myself watching “The Santa Clause” and “Elf” and half a dozen other holiday movies — and the baby isn't even awake. Now I get misty with all the talk of believing in Santa Claus and loving our fellow man.
I think it's the miracle that only a child can deliver. Much like the birth of Jesus saved humankind, my baby saved me. Through him I have allowed an avalanche of love back into my life. I have a grounded sense of family again. I love unabashedly and unconditionally.
There will always be a twinge of sadness when I think of everything my mother is missing as my baby grows big and strong. But she would be overjoyed that I am learning to re-embrace the season through my child's wonderment.
Yes, this year I don't have to work and I can choose how to spend Christmas. And I will choose my home, and Santa Claus will have visited the night before, and there will be wrapping paper everywhere, and I will be happy.
— Sarah Leach is assistant managing editor of The Holland Sentinel. Contact her at (616) 546-4278 or sarah.leach@hollandsentinel.com.
Last year, I was on the verge of giving birth and was weary of pregnancy. The three Christmases before that, I had to work and, before that? Who knows? I can barely remember the sentence I wrote before this now that I have a child.
After my mother died 20 years ago, Christmas became a difficult time for my family. We struggled with the guilt of celebrating the season when there was someone so dearly loved missing.
We took family vacations to get our minds off the holidays and all that annoying Christmas cheer. We went to Mexico, Puerto Rico, and Antigua. It was a wonderful distraction, but each of us was well aware that we would rather be home with the entire family together again.
As I grew older, I often volunteered to work the holiday, so I was able to focus on something else on a very difficult day.
Then my beautiful baby was born and something changed. Suddenly the magic was back in Christmas. I find myself watching “The Santa Clause” and “Elf” and half a dozen other holiday movies — and the baby isn't even awake. Now I get misty with all the talk of believing in Santa Claus and loving our fellow man.
I think it's the miracle that only a child can deliver. Much like the birth of Jesus saved humankind, my baby saved me. Through him I have allowed an avalanche of love back into my life. I have a grounded sense of family again. I love unabashedly and unconditionally.
There will always be a twinge of sadness when I think of everything my mother is missing as my baby grows big and strong. But she would be overjoyed that I am learning to re-embrace the season through my child's wonderment.
Yes, this year I don't have to work and I can choose how to spend Christmas. And I will choose my home, and Santa Claus will have visited the night before, and there will be wrapping paper everywhere, and I will be happy.
— Sarah Leach is assistant managing editor of The Holland Sentinel. Contact her at (616) 546-4278 or sarah.leach@hollandsentinel.com.
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